These foolish feelings

i happen to read through the past posts and realised the style of writing have evolved till what it is now. kinda like life isnt it? at the start, you're open about everything. trying to share whatever feelings you have with everyone. as the years go by, you start to realise that sometimes sharing everything is just not the way. some things are best remain secrets. so that view festers day after day and in the end, you choose to hide everything in paragraphs of words that only you alone can decipher. but what the heck, i feel comfortable in this insanity. i dont need to justify myself. but i guess this is going to be the most straightforward post i have ever done because i just dont see anyway to 'dramatise' it so to speak. and more importantly, this is actually meant for people to understand.

anyway, i digress.

Onward..

i think it's too late for any apologies now dont you think? there's nothing to forgive anymore. we all learn, one way or another. we are stronger now arent we? i have learnt never to be clingy and needy so that nobody else can fuck me up that badly anymore. so much so that clingy and needy people gives me the goosebumps now. we have all moved on. but looking at where you had moved on to and the drastic changes in you really tears me up. where have the sass and arrogance disappeared to? i hear words from you that i never thought i would hear. it freaks me out.

people say that the most depressing words for both the written and spoken is 'what could have been' and i'm inclined to agree. i cant help but look back on what could have been if you are who you are now. i realised that it wouldnt have worked out either. where is the person that used to drive me up the wall? i fell for the sass. i fell for the arrogance. i fell for the nonchalance. not the you i have trouble accepting now. have all of these disappeared? i really hope not. bring them back, it's somewhere inside you. give it time, you'll be able to move on.

move on, so that i can continue moving on too.

*all too familiar funny feelings are festering once again. it's amazing how you can still fuck me up after all these years.