Man, don't people sleep till noon ANYMORE!!!

ugh

"Look, Women are more intelligent than we are, or at least more honest with themselves about what they do or don't want. Another question is whether they tell you or the world. You're facing the enigma of nature. Womankind is an indecipherable maze. If you give her time to think, you're lost. Remember: Warm heart, cold mind. The seducer's code."

Except for having a chronic confusion with adverbs and questionable (no) sense of directions , I am inclined to agree with the quote above.

You know adverbs? No = Yes, Yes = anything she wants it to be?

Woman: "Honey do you think I look fat?"
Man: "No"
Woman: "You're lying! No sex for 1 month and you're sleeping on the couch!"
*women walks angrily towards the bedroom and opens the door
Man: "Honey that's the front door, the bedroom is at the other end."

Man: " Are you sure you're ok with me going out with the boys tonight?"
Woman: "Yes... I think"
Man: "You think?"
Woman: "Don't rush me dammit! I'm trying to figure out what 'YES' means this time!"

Get the picture now? and oh yes I agree totally that they are an indecipherable maze.

Anyway female empowerment has really come a long way. So much so that now men have a seducer's code. I'm not so sure about the seducer's code, but I can guarantee ancient men swore by the old code, which Julius Caesar eventually popularised, as a guideline to seduce women.

I came, I saw, I conquered

From the code alone, you can see how different the ancient alpha males are from us.

You see, I always thought men come towards the end. But hey with a code like that, you can come anytime you want. I'm just joking. You do KNOW that some men have trouble standing straight, let alone come right?

Anyway, I have always been envious of the ancient seduction code. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy clubs girl unconcious and drags girl to cave. And they live happily ever after.

Ever wondered why women are not as bright last time? Well I don't have the answer, but I can assure you the frequent whacking of their heads had nothing to do that.

Fast forward to the 21st century. Now our eyes can't even stray south while talking to them without them screaming bloody murder. Our ancient alpha males must be turning in their macho graves. I mean they don't even talk, they club.

Subconsciously we try to emulate them. Or else where do you think the word clubbing originated from eh?

However, I'm not even sure I am interested anymore. Just the other day, I saw this woman in boots walking past. A cigarette was somehow stuck between her lips while she conversed with her friend (if you call uttering hokkien's finest sentences conversing). Too much makeup, if she cries, you'd think that her skin was dripping off. I'd rather die by my right hand if she was the only woman left on earth. I'm sorry, but I just don't dig girls who wear boots.

Finally

You all do realise I am only just kidding about everything right. In truth, I have the deepest respect for all womenfolk. I am also very grateful to Adam who got bored playing with animals and himself and thus asked God to grant him a playmate.

And besides, I prefer a red brick to a wooden club.

Legend says that women bricked with a red brick can actually cook. Whoopee

Changing Times

There were moments along the way when shutting down this space really appealed to me. It's not that I do not have things to moan about. Believe me, the angst just do not disappear. For that matter, my list of contemmpt, I assure you, have been significantly lengthened since the last time I poured scorn on those pompous asses. Well, the reason why I have not been checking back is really very simple.

I was lazy.

UH HUH.

I can assure you the spirit in me was more than willing to conjure up a piece of literary beauty. But when I compare the advantages of shooting and disfiguring people's faces in virtual space and racking my brains for that elusive inspiration. The himbo in me won hands down.

But a man can only kill so much. So I decided it is time to answer a higher calling than killing people and monsters - stabbing others in the back.

I realise it would be very unfair to all the toms, dicks (heh) and harrys (hairys?) who have pissed me off not to get their moment of spotlight here. I believe it is my moral responsibility to document these dipshits in all of their glory and proclaim their greatness to the world.

As the saying goes, clothes make the man. Therefore I have armed myself with a new template.

I mean I am an advocate of the "beauty is skin deep", "It is what's inside that counts", "Dont judge a book by it's cover" and all that hoo-hah. But, this is a very big BUT, appearances do matter ok. Do not try to quote me on this, I will deny it under oath.

So females, next time you hear a guy utter anything that remotely sounds like "I personally do not think looks are important at all, I believe what is more important is what's inside the person." You've got a liar in the house.

Rejoice males, women do not place looks as high on the list as men do. But if you for a moment think you have the better bargain, think again. You know the never-ending debate about whether size does matter?

Yeap, same principle applies.

Sigh

Sorry, I digress

ANYWAY, I hope the new template will inspire me to produce many different expressions and sentences that in the end must mean "go fuck yourself". And sooner rather than later, I will unleash literary hell on people who stepped on my toes. Hold on to your knickers people.

Oh and to those who have been checking this space religously for the past 3 months. You either have too much time or you really like me *wink

But thank you all the same.

and to you and B1 and B2 -> *kiss kiss. heh heh heh

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."

Blue Moon Rising

"Hello my friend, we meet again. It's been awhile, where should we begin? Feels like forever."

It's been a long while. And I have (plagarised) a new template. That's all I can churn out now. Will be back soon.

Promise

Without words, what are we?

Alright I give up.

I have sat staring at the screen for the past 15 min so that something intelligent can inspire me and make me spit out verses of wisdom. Well, considering my brain has only performed at the maximum of 4 functions, I'm thankful that coherent words are formed in my head. The 4 functions that dominate my life are, Eat, Sleep, Play and Sleep again.

Stop snickering. It ain't funny.

ANYWAY

I remember when I first started this, words literally flow out of my hands and become deep insight that everybody lapped up.

Words, at first glance just a way to communicate. But if harnessed, words are vessels of passions and emotions that contain the ideals of those who use it. And without ideals, what are we?


Oh of course there were detractors who rail against me and my kind. Visiting this space and later retreating to their cave and whining about the inflammatory and insidious nature of my comments. They called my words all kind of things, but never once, did they say it was false. So they tried to justify the actions, that the ends warranted the means.

Most importantly, they do not realise that people just do not care. Until the day they do, they will always get defensive when they see words that intrude into their comfor zone not by coming out with guns blazing. But whining.

I just read through what I wrote and that I dont even understand myself.

Not bad for someone who performs 4 functions a day.

So here's a quote, the shallow side of me and all of you will definitely understand.

"Fat chicks need love too, but they gotta pay."

Oops.

I know I know, it has been 2 months since the last entry. But sometimes there are so many things to say and words have become a hindrance instead. So until the next time I put my mind to having a real post, here is something meaningful to keep your bed warm at night.

"However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous"

Right in the middle of nowhere

I am sitting my ass in front of a computer terminal in a cybercafe.

and I am in a cultural shock.

If you always thought cybercafes in Singapore was sleazy and filled with techno music and those who love listening to techno music, wait till you visit one from our friendly country neighbour.

Now I am being introduced to a medley of songs, I can make out Usher, the chicken little song, the very overrated song from Guang Liang and some techno shit. And to my suprise and horror, these people are actually digging it.

Ugh.

At least in Singapore you can pin typical stereotypes on them, but here I have no freaking idea how to exercise my biased judgement against them.

But hey they are open on the first day of new year, so who's complaining?

Oh blondie at the cashier has just change the cafe's music theme to techno + R&B.

WICKED.

On an entirely different road, I am not stuffing as much pineapple tarts as I thought I would. Dammit, nobody bothered to make or buy this year and I just finished the last box.

Crap.

Alright, I'll have to switch my attentions to Bah Kwa.

Happy CNY everybody.

Grab a seat, the best is yet to come

Yes, it has been awhile.

From the news, I realised today was the anniversary of the tsunami disaster. It's funny how time seems to creep up unknowingly and tap you on the shoulder. And before you know it, people who used to be there are gone. Forever.

As this day of remembrance where people raise voices to honour the past, pray tell did they succeed in uncovering memories that brought a wistful smile or a single tear?

Memories.

Infinite, melancholic, breathtaking - No place in the universe can give you this exhilaration of walking down memory lane.

The other issue that has been hogging the headlines will be the NKF issue.

As the cliche so says, It was a PR disaster.

It is truly sobering that this whole shebang was only uncovered because Durai was too big for his own shoes and decided to play way above his head. So much for the checks and balances and regulations, in the end everyone concerned was served a general helping of humble pies. Imagine if the CEO decided not to sue for defamation and instead, decided to release a statement saying how disappointed he is that people are trying to make NKF look bad even though the organisation has helped about "insert any number that Durai suggests" who are in need of help.

His standing would have risen and reputation cemented. Something to think about, if it can happen to one organisation, who is to say this has not happened or is happening at other places?

And the excuses or more correctly, rebuttals are really funny. I wont bore you with them, you all should know how lame the excuses were.

Speaking about excuses. Sometimes it absolutely amazes me how some people come out with excuses that are so plain fucking ridculous. And here is something more unbelievable, they expect you to go along and actually accept these lies, oh sorry, I mean excuses.

Come on, we are not dumbasses. We can smell crappy lies, dammit sorry, I mean excuses before they leave your bloody mouth. So give us a break, just tell the truth.

And oh yes. Remember if you have read till here, you have willingly subjected yourself to my opinions and thrash. Please keep in mind I do not force any thoughts and opinions down your throat. You don't find a huge pop-up while you're surfing the net with my comments on them. You dont find emails with huge links threatening you to visit this space.

So if you read something that made you go all squeaky and say "Fish!" or "Freaking hell!". Tough luck.

Don't you hate people who say fish, freaking hell and type "F***"? I mean if you wanna swear, then swear with gusto.

FUCK. See the world is still here.

Merry Christmas everybody.

Time Of Your Life

sometimes one moment arrives when you just have no idea what to say or write but feel that you have to do so anyway.

This is such a moment. As I can't find no better way, here is the lyrics of my old time favourite.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you,
I'd withstand
All of hell
to hold your hand

*more than you'll ever know

FOOLS : The Gathering

Sometimes I don't understand how ridiculous people can get. I mean they are so lacking in brain juice that I want to pry open thier heads to see if they actually have brains or do their heads serve as glorified water bottles

Which I did.

These are some of the people whom drenched me in their brainless water when I split open thier heads.

1. Saddam Hussien

He started the trial by claiming he is still the president of Iraq.

What?

It is almost sad to see the person who is smart enough to have numerous doubles to die in his place fall into such a self-delusional wreck. His list of accomplishments includes killing, forced expulsion, the imprisonment of people, torture and the failure to comply with international law. Heck, he single-handedly started the Gulf War.

I can see the logic in pleading innocence to the charges. If a man has to go, he has to go down fighting. But claiming he is still President?

If you are still the President, why don't you order the judge to resign and go home. Oh wait, you don't accept resignations, I heard you only accept death certificates.

Why is he facing a trial ANYWAY? I don't remember him granting any constitutional or human rights when he went on massacres.

A tragic car accident or a bullet in the head would have been much easier.

Maybe he got raped in the prison while bending down to take a bar of soap.

HMM.

2. CNN

They have a poll asking readers if they think Saddam would have a fair trial.

Enough Said.

3. Asshole who moaned about service tax

When I say 'Asshole' I'm using it loosely because I can't really find a word to describe a person who has the balls to try and bitch and whine about service tax and he didnt have to pay since he recieved no service.

By saying that he received no service, I deduced a few things.

1. He seated himself.

2. He went to the counter to get the menu.

3. After making his choice, he made his way to the counter and ordered himself.

4. Subsequently, he paid and took his orders himself and returned to his table.

My apologies if I have to show the step-by-step guide on what to do at fast-food restaurants.

But I begged his pardon and listed the things I did.

1. I brought him the menu and told him which is the food menu and which is the drink menu.

2. I took his order while he settled his ass on the chair.

3. I brought him an ash tray without him asking.

4. I SERVED him his drinks.

5. I provided cutlery and napkins while he seated and waited for his food to be SERVED.

6. I SERVED him his burger.

5. I brought the bill to his table to save him the trouble of walking.

Oh he paid alright but what I dont understand is why are these people acting like they have durian shells up their asses about service charge? You know damn well that there is a service charge when you entered. So what is all the FUCKING hoo-hah about?

And please do not launch in a tirade about how the service was crap and below-par and thus there is no need to pay. Well eat shit and die asshole, because technically you were SERVED.

I hope he returns so I can provide him with excellence service.

I can't wait.

Here We Go Again

Even now i'm still torn between being satisfied on a job well done and realising that i have to go through all the shit again sooner rather than later.

But anyhow, i know this is belated but great job guys.

you all know who you are.

i admit my response was less than insipiring but i'm sure i did nothing to take away the credit everyone deserved. some more than others. pun intended.

i swear another fake smile or laugh will cause my premature demise. i'll rather do something less torturous, like sitting on durian shells.

So i was surfing through the net and slacking (deservedly) and i came across this piece. and i have to say this guy knows his shit.

Phrases that make my blood boil

Girls usually say this when they think they're being clever: "sorry, but you're a moron." It's a phrase derived from the expression people use when they're breaking some bad news to an old friend: "I'm sorry to say this, but the results are back and... you're an idiot." The only problem is, they never intend to say it with such eloquence, but rather, they use the phrase like it's a blunt object, hammering their square insult through your round psyche. If you think someone's an idiot, just come out and say it without these pussy apologies you dumb hag. Unless you're a character in a fighting game, have big boobs, and just won the round with a bitch slap, saying "sorry" just before you insult someone is obnoxious, cut the bullshit.


yeah i can see you nodding too.

Food For Thought

"Love? Oh, I imagine that's taken for granted although rarely expressed. Perhaps it's the comfort of being familiar, although, again, hardly with grand passion. One does not have to finish a sentence to be understood, and a look in the eyes will bring on laughter without a word being said. It comes with the years, i suppose."

"I want the years that you had, old man. I want them very vey much."

Don't we all.

4 years back in time

time flies.

it has been 4 years since the september 11 attacks. i could still remember the utter disbelief when i first heard it on the radio, believing it was some sort of a prank. it sent shockwaves througout the globe and the world was neer the same again.

it was a though that it was some sort of a platform for other things to start. since then, we have had the london bombings, iraq stampede etc. it is now common news when aeroplanes crash planes seem to drop every week.

i decided to resurrect one of my former posts that i took from somewhere. it was written by someone whose close ones perished in the sept 11 attack.

If I knew

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would know I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well, I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret this day.

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear.

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone

If you think my eyes are beautiful, it's because they are looking at you.

When was the last time you said "I Love You"?

From a recent focus group, this is what my friends have to say about me.

"whnever i'm online, i'm invisible. whn he wans to do survey, i am visible. aft e survey, i am invisible again."

guilty. but i'm not proud of it.

i realise that work has become my enforced number one priority. There are moments when i stop and take stock and realise that this shouldnt be the way. but i'm still stuck in this shit cycle that has no beginning nor end.

Talking about workload. apparently according to some people who talks in a unbearable fake PR way that makes my skin craw,l says that actually our workload is not enough. and some areas should have more work and involvement.

My reaction
--> EAT SHIT AND DIE!

i hate veiled barbs and barely conceled innuendoes. i prefer straight talking criticisms that hit you straight in the face. at least you can see the blow coming and take it like a man. if you're unhappy, FFF just say you're unhappy.

*breathes
sorry, i digress.

moving on..

I have missed gatherings and birthday moments all in the name of work. so much so that 'work' has become an easy excuse to dish out. I dont mean i was lying just that whenever something comes up i reject it outright because i believe there are many things to be done or maybe simply because i dont wish to go.

so to all the focus groups, you guys have been great respondents to my surveys but thats only one area you guys do well. there are many more. trust me

remember just because someone doesnt love you the way you want, doesnt mean they dont love you with all they've got.

it's been a long time since i have the TGIF feeling.
2 more weeks. 2 more goddamned weeks.

i'mtiredandihavetoservebeertoassholeslaterdammitihatemylife.

and all of these for what?

for what?

FUCK

Window to the past

a bus ride down memory lane
the place between pleasure and pain

outside
the scenes
past and present
assault my senses

wistfulness played
across my lips
as a familiar tune
sounded within the
pockets of my mind

so many times
so many ways
and all the moments
that passed us by

yet all we could do is
heave a sigh
and be thankful
that everything we will keep
till the day we die.

it's something unpredictable and yet in the end it's right.
i hope you have the time of your life.

*oh i hate clubbing. still

They aren't that indispensable you know.

I came across this article not long ago and it's quite interesting.

5 types of women that you should never ever date.

1. The Chronic Cheater
Never date a chronic cheater. Even though attraction has alot to do with whether a woman cheats on you or not (a woman will be less likely to cheat on you if she's CRAZY about you), some women are more prone to cheating. It's just in their DNA/character and they can't help it. The moment you turn your back on her and a hot stud (or even a not-so-hot guy) walks by, she's going to want him. and guess who cleans up the mess?

2. The Golddigger
You should never ever buy stuff just to impress women and gain their approval. buy them because you want to. on your terms. if she dares to ask you to buy her expensive things, it's time to lay the smack down and throw her out.

3. The Baggage Girl
Baggage women are even worse than golddiggers. Golddiggers take your money, which you could always earn back. But baggage girls drain you of your energy until you end up feeling depressed like her.

Relationships are already hard enough to sustain with a "healthy" woman, so dating a woman with a lot of emotional baggage is like preparing your own funeral. It's like carrying a rigged time bomb around your pocket, not knowing when it will explode.

4. The Self-Proclaimed Princess
The self-proclaimed princess is a spoiled little brat who is too used to getting everything and anything she wants in life. Rich parents, good looks, plenty of suitors to serenade her. She breaks a nail and she wants you to drive her to the nail salon immediately. Cooking and doing house chores are fine as long as you're the one doing it. She just wants to sit there and wait for you to massage her feet.

You can date a princess if she is flexible and willing to fit herself into your world. But if she doesn't, then it's time to kick her into the air, back to the top of the castle tower where she belongs.

5. The Chronic Bitch
Pessimistic women are poisonous and a definite no no. They argue about EVERYTHING and once married, their favorite hobby is making their men feel guilty. Yeah thats you, Bronco.

side note from me: remember a beautiful face does not mean a wondeful personality. we often fall for the trap that just because a woman is hot/beautiful/gorgeous we think that they have great characters and personalities.

"But she's so beautiful! how would i know she is.."

ever said that? that's when the shit hits the fan and you discover how terribly wrong the assumption was. just because a woman is beautiful does not mean people have to kiss the chair she sat on.

sometimes i blog hop. i come across different themes from people yabbering about breakups to those voyueristic weirdos who like to tell everybody what they do from the moment they wake up to the minute they hit the sack. seriously i dont know why they do that. there they are screaming and whining for privacy from their parents and then they decide that the rest of the world can share their life. makes you scratch your head. but hey, who says the world is logical anyway?

if you're with me. i need a silent nod here.

sorry, i digress.

well, it's fine by me. ultimately its your website and you're entitled to your say. even those which literally stinks of narcissism, self-love, megalomania.. i think a nicer way to put it is misplaced confidence. i think i suffer from that too.

what the heck, you didnt have to know that.

but what really piss me off is when narcissism disintegrates into self-delusion and one starts thinking he is better than everyone. and actually proclaiming it to the world.

gimme a break.

maybe you're animated. hell, a monkey animates all day and is damned well more animated.

maybe you can make a woman laugh and all the others before you cant. hell, a dog can make women laugh.

if you agree. read on. if you dont. read on anyway because it's too late to turn back.

oh i can hear the indignance coming.

"well it's my blog and if you dont like it you can dont read."

thats absolute bullshit.

if you so like praising yourself and putting down others. keep a fucking diary. what i cant see. i dont care.

man, do i sound bitter or what?

on an entirely different note. i recently have a new dream. i want to become a notorious male escort where the big bucks will come rolling in. and i can shove the projects up where the sun dont shine.

and to quote from a blog i read -> "cheebye, look what has education taught us."

AMEN