Cold. They say i dun mix much. They say i give one-worded replies. They say i tend to fade to the background. They feel that they can only know what's on the surface of me. I dun deny all these charges. I'm not good at starting conversations. Hell, i'm not good at starting anything. I just have these phobia of taking the initiative on anything and everything. This phobia is somehow ingrained in all my actions. Wats wrong in fading into the background? i am not that kind of person that thrives in entertaining people. It is my choice. I like anonymity. So shoot me.

Distant. They say i am unfeeling. They see me with the same facial expression day in and day out. They say they cant decipher wat i am feeling from my face. You ignorant fools, my expression is trained. I will not let anyone have the pleasure to know that a single word from them can make me shatter with sorrow or howl with fury. No one, i mean absolutely no one will see me break down in front of them. they say i will never understand what they feel about me. How can i understand when you never ever gave me the chance? What's the use of understanding when i have reached a point when i expect evil to lurk just around the corner when i encounter new hope and beginnings? All good things will come to an end, sooner rather than later. Why this mindset? you ask. So that i can remain intact when the evil eventually rears its ugly head. In time, i have realised that its better to detach yourself than to be hurt. Well, thats just me. Maybe i was born like that or perhaps i am just like that. If you have a negative comments and loathe me. Then go find yourself another blog to read. And shove your negative comments whoever you are. I am not asking.

Dear blog,
first and foremost, merry christmas to all visitors, fwens and well-wishers. They mean alot, although there is nothing merry about this christmas. I have been slogging my ass off for the past 2 weeks without any off days. My shoulders are aching, my back is hurting and basically my whole body is breaking apart and to add insult to injury. I realized that i do not have a freaking social life. My life is work,eat and sleep. That's all.

On our way home, shafik and i saw a middle-aged couple along clarke quay. There and then i made a damning conclusion about our lives, "wakauz, even uncle and aunty celebrate christmas but we are going home to sleep. Freaking no life!". He affirmed my conclusion with an equally damning nod of his head. Haiz, my social life is non-existent.

Well, i guess its useless to lament anymore. 1 more week to endure before this purgatory ends. Merry christmas to all!


"I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry."

"I Survived You"

I see the picture clear now, and the fog has lifted.
The wool you tried to pull over my eyes was clever.
Yeah you're gifted.
But you forgot to dot some I's, and cross some T's along the way.
I'm better now despite you baby.
I'm stronger these days.
Stronger.

[Chorus:]
I survived the crash.
Survived the burn.
Survived the worst, yeah baby, but I learned.
Survived the lies.
Survived the blues.
Almost killed me, but I survived the truth.
And when you wrote me off like I was doomed.
I survived you.

I can look in the mirror now.
It's been a slow awakening.
Haunted by a heart full of you, couldn't help mistaking.
That you could ever care for anyone.
Anyone but yourself. Hey.
But you would have to have a conscience baby.
Good luck I wish you well.

[Chorus]
I survived the crash.
Survived the burn.
Survived the worst, yeah baby, but I learned.
Survived the lies.
Survived the blues.
Almost killed me, but I survived the truth.
And when you wrote me off like I was doomed.
I survived you.

This heart has been torn in two.
Cut and bruised.
With too many bitter endings.
I'll be damned if I have thoughts of you
Rain on my new beginning.

[Chorus]
I survived the crash.
Survived the burn.
Survived the worst, yeah baby, but I learned.
Survived the lies.
Survived the blues.
Almost killed me, but I survived the truth.
And when you wrote me off like I was doomed.

I survived the crash.
Survived the burn.
Survived the worst, yeah baby, but I learned.
Survived the lies.
Survived the blues.
Almost killed me, but I survived the truth.
And when you wrote me off like I was doomed.
I survived YOU.


Dedicated to all heartbreakers out there. Thank you for the tears and heartbreaks.

Dear blog,
there seems to be quite a debate a what truly is love. So here is my two cents worth.

Since the beginning of time, the meaning of love has encountered numerous contradictions. Some say that "love sees all", whereas some say "love is blind". Some believe that the path of love is full of adventure and you eventually end up "happily ever after". Others feel that the path of love is a journey they would rather shun away. They say that the journey will shatter your very soul, and even if you manage to remain intact throughout the journey, the disappoontment of realising that there is nothing called love at the end of the journey will kill you. Some say that you learn from your previous lessons. You get wiser, more mature and more careful the next time around. However, i beg to differ. It's in fact because that you get wiser and more mature thats why you would think twice before dabbling into this game of love. Because in the game of love, the stakes are high and there are no winners, only losers. I cringe when i hear dedications of naive people on the radio proclaiming their undying love for each other. I mean can anyone stand up and say that they truly love someone? Love is such a great emotion beyond anyone's comprehension and grasp. Do people know what they are saying when they say " I Love You"? Or has this phrase been used so many times that the true significance is gone? I feel love is something unreachable and distant. Maybe even fictitious. I look forward to the day when someone can really tell me what it is like to truly love someone. But then again, the existence of love is very much in question...

I believe that in order to feel hurt, there should be feelings involved. So, how can i hurt you when there is no feelings involved from you?..no offence. Just an honest observation.


"Every few nights or so you pop into my dreams, I just can't get rid of you like you got rid of me."

Dear blog,
somebody..anybody..please save me from this godforsaken place. I do not think I can continue this ardous journey of boredom any longer. For those who have no idea what I am rambling about, I am currently trapped at our always neighbourly neighbour state, our dear malaysia. To be specific their goddamned capital, Kuala Lumpur! For those who say that I MIA please understand the situation I am facing here. Internet connections are not taken for granted in this wonderful country, I have to walk(ok, my dad drove me) some distance before I can find a cafe that provides Internet connections. So, here I am sitting in unfamiliar territory and secretly blogging..Nothing of interest happen though, got trapped in a hellhole mostly..Period..

Will be back in a few days, I really hope I can pull through. Finally, can someone please save me?


"I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before, cuz I'm not supposed to love you anymore.."

Dear blog,
sleep seems to elude me at this godforsaken hour. Don't ask me why. There is no why. Have you ever experienced the overwhelming surge of emotion that try as you may, you can't really describe what is that feeling? Is it wisfulness? Are you looking back on those eternal memories and thinking about the "what ifs?". Are you missing someone even though you are not even sure who that person is? Or is this melancholy that you are going through? Have you fallen into this deep abyss of sorrow that you cant get yourself out from? Qustions, qustions and more questions. But sometimes I rather some things to be left unsaid. Maybe, just maybe you are feeling this way because your shoulder is aching, your hip is giving you problems and your head is pounding. Perhaps, just perhaps like me, all you need is sleep...


'My reasons of sorrow are beyond your comprehension, because you never did realise you were the one who broke my heart."

How is it now that you have moved on?
Do you still think of me now when I'm gone?
I think of you and I just wonder..
Where you are and what thoughts are racing through your mind?
Its so simple to say " I Love You"
But sometimes its just not enough.
So, I hope to find my sunrise
at the end of these few words.
Who are you holding now?
I really hope you are happy now.
And someday maybe i will be..


" How I wish I could freeze this moment in time and make you forever mine.."

Damn my stupid com!..can someone please tell me why i cant read my new posts from my com while other people can see it from their coms?..its so damn puzzling. For your info, i cant read this post and also the last post..DAMMIT!!!!

Distant Fantasies

Every night I would gaze up at you, and search for traces that may perhaps provide me with the very reasons for why I exist. I yield a futile search as you would always look the same. Cold, distant and unreachable. Why do I sense this aura of loneliness that you are emanating? Could it be that I am more like you than I believe I would be? Am I cold and distant? Am I an enigma that nobody could ever decipher? Maybe I am just a passer-by that no one would take a second look at. I am speechless when it comes to giving reasons to explain my fascination with you. I am helpless when it comes to resisting the temptation of forming fantasies. Have you really existed since the creation of time? Were you there when Adam first learnt how to rhyme? Did you wish me goodnight during my first night on Earth? Did you feel the sorrow upon the discovery of the non-existence of love? Can you help me count how many stars are there in the night sky? Can you freeze this moment in time so that the beauty of you would be etched forever in mind? Can you help me keep my fantasies safe and tight no matter how distant they are? So many questions and no answers. Somebody please free me from this unspeakable sorrow..


P.S: bon voyage Nas, be safe.


"When I wake up alone, the shades are still drawn on the cold window pane so they cast their lines on my bed and lines on my face."

Dear blog,
went out with wen today and we caught the looney tunes movie!..:p..its not that i'm childish or anything but come on! its looney tunes man! bugs and daffy?..those who say i'm childish really do not have a childhood. My utmost condolences to you. Quite a funny movie, saw many characters. bugs, daffy, tweety, scooby doo and speedy gonzales(the little speedy mouse) just to name a few.

After the movie we went to of all places mac for dinner. I do not really have fond memories of that macs. What say you king? Then her sis called to summon her to Taka so as to be a guinea pig for a hairdresser..:p..waited for about an hour for her to finish her haircut, actually felt like dozing off but have to force my eyes open so as not to make her paiseh that i am waiting so long..:p..else she will keep on apologising again. Went to lips cafe after that to do more catch up with her then both of us trudged our tired bodies home..


"I've travelled through the land of surrender and seen it all. I throw my heart out and keep my head up, and now I travel through the land of peace."

Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The
Wronged.

"I've come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."

The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.

As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself. As a result, you
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Can't really make up my mind if its true, maybe i need some more time to get to know myself more, what do you think?


"My heart lies somewhere between perfection and dust. And while my soul is a sight to behold, I shatter at the blink of an eye."

Totally And Absolutely Wasted

Dear blog,
Attended the pokz party at kahsiang's house last night after work. Well, it was a haven for any alcoholics out there. Gin, baccardi, vodka and booze were all up for grabs. Needless to say, i helped myself to every single one of them, be it neat, on the rocks or mixed with other liquids. At the last count, i gulped down glasses of gin and tonic, pepsi twist+vodka, pepsi twist+baccardi, also quite a few cans of good old beer and proceeded to get myself, as cawley has so fittingly named it, absolutely and totally WASTED. Keith started the ball rolling by getting high early in the night. He sang at the top of his voice, danced madly around and did everything a guy high on alcohol would do. Cawley then slept on the roadside outside ks's house after vomiting on the road and we have to help him into the house..Well the fact that a person gets drunk faster by mixing liquor with beer still stands true. The effects of all that took over me after i downed my 3rd or was it 4th? can of beer. What happenead after that was quite hazy, i remembered i got that sickening familiar feeling of nausea and promptly made way to the toilet and vomited. I decided to station myself beside the toilet bowl just in case i wanna vomit again. Then kerson got me some lime to suck on and helped me to the sofa to rest. Was a big mistake, bile immediately rose when i laid down. I barely made it to the toilet, but not before soiling my shirt..:p..thats how i spent the rest of the night, wasting away inside the toilet. An eternity later, ks came knocking at the toilet door saying that his grandpa will be up any moment and he may want to use the toilet. So, i dragged myself to his room. Ks, kerson, yeehui and me chatted till the sun is up before all of us fell asleep. Fortunately, i woke up with only a slight hangover must be cuz i had already vomitted my guts out. Was a long time since i got so damn wasted..god..my throat still hurts..

Just a friendly reminder: ladies never accept any offers of beer from any men after you had liquor. Regardless of it being the diluted kind or not, cuz beer and liquor is a potent mix and a dangerous one for you ladies. So don't underestimate the potency of this mixture. Please remember.


"If you could choose between life and death you would almost rather die, love is fun but hurts so much and the price you pay is high. And so I say don't fall in love, you will get hurt before you are through. You see my friend, I ought to know, cuz I fell in love with you."

Every night while i stand amongst the sea of unfamiliar faces, it's your face that i yearn to see. My eyes scan the crowds, in hope that i could catch a glimpse of you. I hear various voices, but they are insignificant because those are not your voice. The days passed aimlessly, hopelessly. One day i finally saw you, so heartbreakingly beautiful, standing so distinctly among the sea of people. So familiar but yet so mysterious. Just a few steps away from me. I saw you, but did you see me? Your name is on my lips but i just couldnt bring myself to say your name. You are so near but yet at the same time so far away from me. I took a step back, afraid that you'd see me, but also at the same time hoping that you'd look my way. You didn't. I watched silently as you disappear along with the crowds while Lee Hom's "Ni Bu Zai" played mockingly through my earphones. What irony, what a cruel joke. As you slowly disappear into the horizon, i find contentment in the fact that you are fine. That's all i ask for...


"I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand. So now I leave without a sound, except that of my heart shattering as it hits the ground."

Dear blog,
although i am a guy myself, i feel that sometimes i have to draw the line at accepting some of the behaviours that i had witnessed, heard or experienced from people who belong to the same gender as me. I mean the behaviours of these people towards the female species are some times absolutely deplorable. Sure, ogle and comment on the girls that you see, i had done my fair share of ogling and commenting. We are men, it is inevitable that we will act like this. If you feel that this is an excuse for men in general then so be it because maybe it is really an excuse. However, there are a number of acts and conduct of MEN that i can never tolerate. Below is a list of behaviours that i despise and abhor to the core.

1. A man should never ever hit a woman even if the woman had done something unpardonable.
2. A man should never cheat on his other half
3. A man should never provide lame reasons when caught cheating. I hate it when they say something like this as an excuse, "there wasnt any feelings involved with her, you are the only one I love." Give me a break, admit it when you are caught cheated and stop giving excuses for your misdeeds.
4. A man should never treat women as clothes. A woman is made to be cherished not someone to satisfy your fetish.
5. A man should never call a woman names. I mean, that would be the lowest a man can get by calling a woman a whore, bitch or whatever in that sense.

Well, these are the main behaviours i hate but you bet there will be more. This is the core of it but i believe there would be more in years to come.

Are you ignoring and avoiding me or is it just a speck of my imagination? Maybe? Maybe not? Most probably? I don't know. Please put me out of my misery.


"Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain. Someday we'll know why the sky is blue. Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you."

Dear blog,
there are times in life when some people just enforces the way of thinking that you have. In this instance, it is the way i feel about indians and i have to admit that i have been quite vocal with my violent disapprovals on their race but after today the bad blood between me and them will be sown in my heart forever. The 'Globally-Famous' Singapore's Indian Women Association kind of reserved the whole restaurant for a private function during lunch time. They reserved for 70 Pax but in the end 76 people turned up, so it was full house. The Association is so damn 'FAMOUS' that the president deemed it acceptable for her to saunter into the restaurant and start ordering people around. Lady, we are employees not your slaves, you can't expect us to be at your beck and call when we have so many other things to do. She even complained that she did not want so many ice in the glasses for the soft drinks, citing the reason that there will be less liquid in the glasses. Come on! The soft drinks were damn freaking FREE FLOW! Don't you understand what is the meaning of free flow? You can always have more if you do not have enough! Next up would be that the service is too slow. All of us were busy serving food to everyone, there was so much food to be served. Everytime i stepped out of the kitchen, more than 5 people will raise their hand and say, "Can you give me this? Can you give me that?". When the request was done about 10 minutes later, they have so many wonderful comments about the speed of my service. Thank you, i take every single one of them as a compliment. I mean i was taking out all the food, i have to make sure every table is served before i can attend to individual requests. Isn't this common sense? Why am i bothering to explain anyway? The incident during the end was really the coupe de grace. When paying up, they said that 71 people turned up but the extra one did not eat anything. In the 1st place, how would we know if that person did not eat? If you were so sure she did not eat, shouldn't you tell us in the 1st place? And secondly, we counted 76 and now you say 71?..You are from an association, don't all of you know any Public Relations skills?

I had the final laugh though, added something extra into the president's food. Take that you asshole!

On a lighter note, i want to try on the reverse bungy jump at clarke quay. It looks fun when i walked past it today. But its 30 bucks per ride..george says he may be able to get a free ride for me, well i hope he does cuz i really wanna try it.


"They say, 'Time heals all wounds.' If that is true, then I guess mine go deeper than pain. There are no words to choose over losing you. I guess I found out too late, and now all I feel is heartbreak that only hurts when I breathe."

Why did you have to break my heart?
Why did you have to tear it apart?
So this is how it finally ends
Both of us just being friends
I know that you're gone
And I'm trying to move on
I know I still care
Even if it's not fair
I know that we did not last
In my future, you will just be my past
I regret ever falling in love with you
Coz crying was all you made me do
I cried for you over a thousand tears
I might still love you for another hundred years
You made my illusions become reality
Coz you told me you will love me for eternity
How I wished that all of these were true
But I know, deep down inside, I will never have you..

"Plaisir d'amour ne dure qu'un moment; chargrin d'amour dure toute la vie."

Dear blog,
there is this new guy at the workplace that i really feel sorry for. he is constantly lectured by the managers over this and that. being the foodrunner, i spent most of the time shuttling between the kitchen and the restaurant. the scene that i have gradually gotten use to is Veeran (this is the lousy manager) scolding him while he keep nodding his head. this has happened over the last few days, i come out with the food from the kitchen and without fail, there he will be standing at the counter with his head down and nodding at whatever veeran has to say..what surprises me is that he is always so enthusiastic..call his name and he will put down whatever he is doing and run yes RUN to you. i dunno his name though, i call him Ali...:p..at least its an indian name right? he is fast becoming the butt of jokes between shafik and me with his entertaing antics..:p

just now george made 'Gunner' for me...it tasted refreshing...although it is not pina colada or even singapore sling, well i will drink whatever cocktails that come my way..:p..one of these days i will pester him to teach me how to make those 2 cocktails and maybe also tequila sunrise and maybe also long island tea and maybe also cosmopolitan and maybe also...:p..i'm blabbering sorry...

that's all blog..i have a question before i go..will i get beer belly if i only drink 1 mug of beer per day?..1 mug only..


"do you wonder why i turn away when you look at me, never wanting your eyes to see, this desperate heart that knows how perfect we could be."

Dear blog,
does a person's ablity to hold liquor deteriorate when you dun drink as much anymore? i'm afraid that it has happened to me..i drank 4 mugs of beer after work and to my shock.. i felt giddy!..i mean its beer and not some hard liquor!..how can i feel giddy after 4 mugs?..i have weakened..shit..need to raise my level again man..on my way home i tried the old fashioned way of testing if you are drunk. i am ashamed to say that i really struggled to walk in a straight line!..damnation!..so disappointed in myself..

"what if i had never let you go? would you be someone i used to know? what if i had never walked away? Cuz i still love you more than words can say. if i stayed, if you tried, if we could only turn back time..but i guess we'll never know.."

Fly me to the moon

Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can sit quietly beside you and see you smile.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can thank the lord that you are here with me.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can breathe in the wonderful fragrance of YOU.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can run my fingers slowly through your hair.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can take away all your tears and sorrows.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can gently kiss your forehead goodnight.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can fall asleep knowing that you will be here when tomorrow comes.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can be there to see the gradual whitening of your hair.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can choose for you to die first so that you will never know what is loneliness.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can die after you and join you on the journey to the unknown.
Fly me to the moon, oh please fly me to the moon to a place where I can be with you till eternity..

Never hold my hand
If you are going to break my heart
Never say you are going to
If you never plan to start
Never talk about feelings
If they aren't really there
Never look into my eyes
If all u do is lie
If you really mean forever
Then please say you will try
Never say forever...
Cause forever makes me cry


"Because I never really had you at all, I didn't think it would hurt this much to lose you.."

Dear blog,
it is confirmed. i will be returning to that indian restaurant to slog..:p..although i am unwilling, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. in this case, earn money to finance my many needs and desires. damn my contact lens for finishing so quickly, damn my astigmatism that just drives up the cost of the contacts to a whole new level! And damn my bloody eyes, both of you have never given any reason to be proud of!..well that's one of the reasons why i need to work..also its been quite some time since i tasted my beloved cocktails. i need money to buy those cocktails..:p..

and oh yeah..heard that damn jerk is back pestering yeeki for the umpteenth time!..what in the blue hell is wrong with you slimeball?..when you had her you treated her like thrash..when you heard that she has found her happiness, you curse her..man..cant you at least wish her happiness after all the grief you had given her?..your attitude puts all the males in the world to shame!..i am ashamed that you call yourself a man. if i could, i will use the light sabre and cut off that goddamned male organ of yours! then, i will take an umbrella, stick it at the place where the sun doesn't shine, open the umbrella and pull it out of your loose asshole!..come on la huh..everything's over between the both of you..so just get the hell out of her life and move on!..

woah..feel so good bitching about him..suki..if you read this..please feel free to bitch with me!..:p..

Every night I imagine touching your face,
but nothing is there except empty space.
My dreams are filled
with visions of eternal bliss,
sealed by your tender and heavenly kiss.
I awake from my dreams,
yearning to hold you near,
searching but not finding
bringing me to the brink of tears.
You're the one I need to have,
To get lost in your beautiful eyes,
And have your smile that keep me oh so hypnotized,
Someone to share all my dreams,
And show me what they mean.
To kiss and hold til the day I die,
To be with for the rest of my life.
From a distance, you never know it's my heart and love you take,
And that I adore all of you and watch every move you make.
So, even though there are so many things I wish to say,
but I guess some things are always better left unsaid...


"Silence means a thousand words..the words i want to say to you but can't.."

Dear blog,
what if your best friend stands between you and your greatest desire? what will your final choice be? choose your friend and forever live in regrets and bitterness? or choose your desire and lose a friend that you will never ever get back? caught the midnight "wishing stairs" with weiming, shiping, ks, weibin, keith and yeeki. storyline was briefly about how a girl chose her desire over her friend..it was not that scary on the overall and all of us dun really understand what the movie is trying to say. please enlighten me if any body knows what the movie is talking about. although it was not that scary, considering the time in which i reached home, mild goosebumbs inevitably appeared as i was taking the lift...:p.should have just watched a comedy..

"Love that we can not have, is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.."

what's with the rabbit teeth king?

Dear blog,
went to sentosa today with king, G, her brother, guoliang and Nas. it was fun in the end considering that it actually should be a class outing and only 5 of us excluding G's brother turned up...that's that. i guess i am aging prematurely physically. my lungs, my muscles and many other body parts were protesting after a 15 min game of captain's ball played with a tennis ball..:p..G, nas and king 1 team. guoliang, jarryl and me the other. G dominated the game with her cheating antics(oops) by sitting on our chair when we are trying to score. however, justice was meted out when our team fought to a 3-3 draw despite being against such huge odds..:p..

was a fun day to say the least..it may be more fun or less if the others were there, we will never know..all i have to say for those who failed to turn up..well your lost is certainly our gain..

"I will hate the man you marry, because he is not me. And love him, if he makes you smile."

..din really wanna blog but dis came to mind..well..take a look..tht's all i can say..

I thought it was something money can never buy
I guess I was nothing but a pest in your busy life
So, the time has come for us to say goodbye
But still i cant explain this pain that just cuts like a knife.

Maybe its because of all the lies
Maybe it because of the look in your eyes
Make me realize that even if I were to crumble and die
You would not so much as blink your eyes

So here we stand under the moonless night
At the place where u once said you’d always be by my side
But I guess that now goodbye is the only kind of right..

when i first saw you, i was afraid to look at you.
when i was able to look at you, i was afraid to talk to you.
when i was able to talk to you, i was afraid to like you.
when i was able to like you, i was afraid to touch you.
when i was able to touch you, i was afraid to hold you.
now that i am able to hold you,
i am afraid that i would love you..

"Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all must not have had their hearts broken before."

Dear blog,
went to Great World yesterday with king cuz he realised that only the mac @ Great World got sell his beloved bears. so we got there and found out that it was another WILD GOOSE CHASE!..the mac is currently only selling the bears with letters from 'A to G'!!!!..(whoever who knows what word he is trying to make knows that the word do not consist of letters from 'A to G')..so i was lead onto another wild goose chase..DAMNED!

So that's that. anyway, i was thinking of compiling a cd with all of our favourite sad songs. i feel listening to music is good therapy when you are feeling low or something lidat..so readers, i'm appealing to you to please leave a tag of the sad songs that you would listen to when those lonely moments at night just suddenly feels so cold and cruel..if i'm successful in compiling it maybe i could lend it to people who might need those songs at that point in time..cuz i know how it feels like to want to cry but you sometimes just can't...so, please flood the mailbox or tagboard..i'm waiting..

"tell me why everytime when i find someone that i like, we always end just up being...friends?.."

Love-

It is not a word, nor a single action.
In truth, it can never be wrong
Like the sunrise, perfect in every possible way.
It is many things and yet it must exist
In the small space of the heart.
Once found it can bloom endlessly, with no cease.
It can choke one's throat, bring one to tears...
But it never hides in shadows or in darkness
It never feeds itself on deception.
It grows with trust, honesty and compassion.
Nothing less, always more.

probably wondering why am i so optimistic..well..jus wanna cheer people up..cheer up ya my fwen..you know hu u are..

Dear blog,
so term has finally come to an end..endless projects..OT nights..last minute work. been thru all that and back in one piece. it almost since like a dream now..well a nightmare i guess..thank you to all those who had been with me thru this hellish period..thank you to all those who have...well i dunno..if you think you have helped me in anyway..words..actions..whatever..then thank you..thank you for everything..:p..

well, i have somethin to complain. that kingone called me on friday mornin at 11 a.m to wake me up. and do you know what is his purpose for doing that? he wanted me to have macdonalds for lunch and at the same time buy that dunno wat bear with letters on it so that you can form a longer word. he wanted me to get the letter 'N'..deduce the word he is trying to form..no prizes for correct answers. so i trudged all the way to the mac @ Northpoint.upon reaching the door of mac..my handphone rang..it was none other than the king himslf..it was a sms saying that the bears are only on sale on the 1st of Nov!!!!..and friday was 31st OCT!!..i carried my tired and battered body all the way to northpoint which was like an eternity away to realise that it was a WILD GOOSE CHASE!..damned!!..i feel like a maid!..i demand compensation!!..

term has ended..means i will miss some people and not miss some..to one and all i'm gong to miss..be safe ya?


" nothing is more painful than realizing that she meant everything to you and you meant nothing to her.."

Dear blog,
first things first...is my hair long?...i cant believe that a lecturer actually told me to go cut my hair!..asshole:" do you know that your hair is very long?" me:" i only knowwhen you say so."..what the hell is this man?..am i back to secondary school?..that damn lecturer..goes by the surname of Lim..i know u buay song our class come late..i know u buay song i keep showing u tht face..but ii guess u deserved it for showing our class ur own damn attitude when we din even do anything wrong ?..i can easily find more than 5 males whose hair are longer than mine..oh and dun threaten me that u will book me..if u wanna book den " JUST BRING IT!"..i dun take threats well..

i feel so buay song, if u wanna find trouble den say so..no need to use ur lecturer status and threaten me...u dun have a case to argue..if u not happy den BOOK me...bar me from the exam..lets see what an uproar that will cause..the exam actually went quite well..but i guess there are some ppl that are borned pervertic and they like to spoil ur day..and LIM was the perfect example..period..

so finally again...is my hair long?

"people once said that time can heal all wounds...well..they lied.."

Dear blog,
i have arrived at a conclusion for determining what a blog is...well it is MY blog and i am goin to write anything i damn well please...and nobody's gonna stop me...my sorries again to Nas abt the last post..really ddn know it'd be so similar..well...sorry...copyright fees are on me..:p

Saw this interesting thingy some months ago..forgot where though..maybe it was from another person's blog, well if that person happens to see this..inform me and i will take it down immediately..thx..


don't judge me, if you don't know me.
some people just pretend they know me so damn well, when they don't.
some people just pretend they are so damn close to me, when they are not.
some people are just so misconstrued to think they are so damn close to me and they know me so damn well to even start judging me.

but i am telling you, get real, and listen.
stop farking judge me and telling me what to do when you dun even know me well..

what u think blog?..i feel its so true..especially whn tht guy i got my surname from start making comments abt me when he sld jus look at the mirror...anyway, regarding the last post thx to those who expressed concern..i'm fine ya...jus one of those nights...u all sld know..so dun worry..all is fine..

"When I go away please listen, for the wind will bring you my words of goodbye."

HANGOVERS
Dear blog,
hangovers are great bitches..well that's wat i always say when i get one.....never try them if you can..they will make sure you suffer frm excruciating headache and queasy stomach..but have to say dis Remy MArtin XO hangovers are especially bitchy..damn..dun try if u can..

tht's all..till the next hangover..

Dear blog,
a comment by kingone jus now triggered alot of thinking frm me... so wat really is a blog? are blogs supposed to be something in which you write your actions and feelings down?..am i suppossed to lament that i'm having the chills and my shoulder's acting up again today?...or is it ur own virtual refuge whr u have the freedom to write anything you want..sad, happy, exciting..whatever you think you write?..or are blogs a place for u to say words you wish to say to somebody, in which u know you'll nvr be able to say face to face?

ppl sometimes ask me, y u always sound so sad?..honestly?..i cant give u an answer..some ppl may whisper behind my back that i am jus acting sad..am i?..maybe i am...mayb i am acting sad because i realised when i was 3 that my family is goin to break apart..mayb i'm acting sad because i realised 2 years ago at 4 A.M that i will nv have the family like those in the tv programmes..mayb i am acting sad because i realised how it feels to be utterly rejected so many times after u thought that mayb this time it might work out..mayb i am acting sad because i realised that nothing is forever, forever is a lie, all we have is between hello and goodbye..

do i sound like a phoney to you now?..do u still want me as ur friend?..i dun blame u if u don't..it only serves to remind me that nothing is forever..for those who still wanna by my friend..i'm sorry i can't give u an honest answer..cuz i dun even know myself...and for those who managed to hurt me..dun ask me y do i always sound so sad.."my reasons for being heartbroken is beyond ur comprehension, because you never did realise that you were the one who broke my heart...."dun say that i dun understand...its only because i understand too much..that's why it hurts so much...

so much anger..so much angst..i'm sorry blog for venting all on you...



when he holds you close, when he pulls you near, when he says the words you've been needing to hear. I wish i was him, with these words of mine, to say to you till the end of time..

If i should ever leave before you,
remember that i still live on.
Maybe not within you but certainly around you
so you must be strong,
i look forward to the day we can soar together again.
Don't ask me if i have you in my heart,
don't even ask if my feelings are true to the heart,
'cuz my heart is already with you.
So whenever you need me,
just whisper my name in your heart,
cuz that's where i'll be..

"when you have no light to guide you and no one to walk beside you..i will come to you..when the night is dark and stormy and you need to reach out for me..i will come to you...but..do you want me to?"

Dear blog,

i was introduced to this program that is known as the buaya network today by suki, so as kingone has so aptly put it, i joined the dark side...:p..its called friendster... sound familiar to you?..ok..firstly to set records straight..i am not a buaya..and i will never ever be one..i feel uncomfortably buaya just now when i go look at suki's fwens to find the pokz to add...and even when i found to pokz i was still wondering..am i so buaya till muz go find ppl to add?..they might not even wan to add you...no offence to pokz and fwens...you all should know i usually think on the bad side...sorry....so anyway added them...god i still feel buaya..can someone cure me of this?..god...

..ok...thats enough for now..might be be back later..

Invisible Man
You can hardly wait to tell all your friends
How his kisses taste sweet like wine
And how he always makes your heart skip a beat
Every time he walks by
And if you're feeling down he'll pick you up
he'll hold you close when you're making love
he's everything you've been dreaming of
Oh baby..

I wish you'd look at me that way
your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
telling me more than any words could say
but you don't even know i'm alive
baby,to you all i am
is the INVISBLE MAN..

You probably spend hours on the phone talking 'bout nothing at all
it doesn't matter what the conversation
just as long as he calls
lost in a love so real and so sincere
you wipe away each other's tears
your face lights up whenever he appears...

I see you all the time baby
The way you look at him
I wish it was me sweetheart
Boy i wish it was me
But i guess it'll never be...

I wish you look at me that way
you're beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
telling me more than any words could say
but you don't even know that i'm alive
baby to you all i am
is the INVISBLE MAN..

"If you were a teardrop in my eye, then for the fear of losing you, i swear i'll never cry.."

took a trip down the memory lane,
amidst the downpour of heavy rain,
discovered that there is still so much pain,
in this very place where my heart was slain.


i guess words can never put my feelings in plain,
and you wouldn't care even if my heartbeat fades to a faint.
maybe that is why i feel so drained.

So, please forgive me tonight,
for wishng that for once you could hold me tight,
when i know everything is already in black and white.


"if i was invisible..i'll watch over you forever..if hearts were unbreakable..maybe i could tell you what i feel for you..if i was invisible..wait..i already am"

Dear blog,

i attended a sucky wedding dinner just now. and to say that it SUCKED should be the understatement of the year. Imagine dis, you dun see your relative for almost 10 years then suddenly a wedding invitation is extended to you. you attend because you are obliged to but then you realise no one gives u a bloody damn there. you are left entirely on your own. this is the 1st time i attended a wedding dinner without knowing any one there. makes you wonder the true motive of the invitation. are we invited because we are from the same family? or are we there just to make up the numbers?

What do you think blog?...still think marriage sucks though..alot..


There are no impossible dreams.
There are no invisible seams.
Each night when the day is through,
I don't ask much, I just want you.

Have you ever been in love and she didn't feel the same way?
And you stayed up at night because you cried the whole day?
Have you ever cared for someone in ways you couldn't name?
But she just loved someone else and she didn't feel the same?
Did you ever walk with her just to have her by your side?
But when she turns to leave, it just tears you up inside.
Did you ever wish that you could share her life every minute?
Even though you knew deep inside that you couldn never be in it?
Did you ever find that sometimes you couldn't even eat?
And when night came along you just cry yourself to sleep?
Did you ever try to forget her but you just couldn't let go?
And every time you talked to her you wanted to let her know?
If you've ever been in love before you know what I'm saying is true
I know it's the truth because it happened when I fell in love with you.


Dear Blog, what do you think?..is love an emotion created by god just to have fun at our expense?..as for me..the existence of LOVE is very much in question..

Dear blog,

firstly, i wanna specially extend my thanks to the guys at ANGEL**** for deactivating my account 3 freaking times and causing u to lose your background and stuff and ME to create you all over again! thanks again huh! it was an enlightening experience..._!_..

Just finished that crap pamphlet for CC but then no colour printer. Y cant she just accept the soft copy? she thiink we all rich kids got alot 0f $$ to buy colour printer?...what did u say Blog?..print in sch?..u think wat? i got alot of time to do this type of things issit? do for her she sld be happy liao..stil want what colour printed..wan go do herslf la!..luckily Nas was chatting wif me to provide some impetus for me to do it..else dunno if i can finish tat pamphlet without using all the swear words i know over and over again..:p..

guess tonight have to OT..AGAIN..sucks..but oh well thats life ya? OC presentation is due tml and thus, Kingone has to stay up to do it cuz he is the PPT king...as he kindly requested me to stay up wif him..well i'm duty bound to say yes..cuz i'm in tat group..:p..just hope the ppt's goin to blow everyone away..right King?

Oh ya..and dad came back frm indonesia today..wonder wat hanky-panky he did there..cant be bothered though..din even bat him an eyelid whn he came home...i'm sorry...i'm sorry that u are my dad..

..that's all blog..thx for listening..

Dear blog,
while i'm sitting here and staring at you, i have to say that it was not a pleasure trying to set u up. i cant believe that i spent so much time on u when u are not even my fwen yet. i guess u nvr did appreciate the pains i went thru to make u look presentable. and to think that u are only an acquaintance..well at least for now..

Well, der's not much to say anyway. had the stupid DTP test, all the things i studied like nothing come out..:p.. Sai Heng apologised today about tat IVP project thingy. I have to admit i was damned pissed off tat time..here i was doing overtime thru E bloody night with Ben and he was..well..forget it la..as April said "Peace man". So, peace it is..let bygones be bygones..jus hope tat next time if dis happens, he could give us his reasons earlier to avoid this type of cock-up which sucks..period.

tried sleeping in the evening..cant..dunno y..and my idiotic shoulder is acting up again. i feel so old and sick...guess maybe the overtimes are catching up with me..haiz..

well, thanx for listening Blog..maybe u cld be my fwen after all...

iN lieu of the recent happenings that has happened to my incredibly stressful and sleep depraved life, i feel that the time has arrived for me to search for an outlet for me to scream injustice at someone, anyone or everyone. The reasons for me on starting on this time consuming and confusing stuff is:

1. I need a place to diss ppl who have pissed me with their unworthy existence.
2. I need a place to complain, complain and complain.
3. I need a place to tell ppl that life is nvr a bed of roses
4, i just feel like doing this and there's nothing u can do abt that.

thx for bearing with the crap...its gonna get worse..