"My life? It isn't easy to explain. It has not been the rip-roaring spectacular I fancied it would be. But neither have I burrowed around with gophers. I suppose it has resembled a bluechip stock; farily stable, more ups than downs and gradually treading upwards over time. A good buy, a lucky buy and I've learned that not everyone can say this about his life. But do not be misled, I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough."
-The Notebook By Nicholas Sparks
oh well.
Friday, July 30, 2004
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
The dark velvet depths of comforting blackness are pulling me down.
It would be so easy to follow in to the reassuring endless sleep where pain is unknown.
I have wished this many times, but I lack the courage to end the infinite sadness I feel inside.
So I am forever meant to be in the cold, outside, on the edge.
Waiting for someone who will never appear.
Someone to love me.
It would be so easy to follow in to the reassuring endless sleep where pain is unknown.
I have wished this many times, but I lack the courage to end the infinite sadness I feel inside.
So I am forever meant to be in the cold, outside, on the edge.
Waiting for someone who will never appear.
Someone to love me.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
weekend freakshows
i hate the GV cinema near my house during the weekends. it is one of the very few cinemas (at least to my knowledge) that screen indian movies. so during the weekends, 'people' from all over the country come flocking to the cinema to catch their beloved bollywood stars in action. they would settle themselves on the pavements or even the field outside the cinema and share a 1.5 litre soft drink. detours are a must when going home on the weekends because they practically fill up the whole cinema. if i step in, i would be the only fair-skinned person among a sea of..erm..you know..the TAMILS. i'm not going to take that chance, they might sense the animoisity i have towards them and turn on me. so i have to walk round the cinema, all because of the tamils.
you know what's the worse combination? tamils and durians, my god.
Go figure.
i hate the GV cinema near my house during the weekends. it is one of the very few cinemas (at least to my knowledge) that screen indian movies. so during the weekends, 'people' from all over the country come flocking to the cinema to catch their beloved bollywood stars in action. they would settle themselves on the pavements or even the field outside the cinema and share a 1.5 litre soft drink. detours are a must when going home on the weekends because they practically fill up the whole cinema. if i step in, i would be the only fair-skinned person among a sea of..erm..you know..the TAMILS. i'm not going to take that chance, they might sense the animoisity i have towards them and turn on me. so i have to walk round the cinema, all because of the tamils.
you know what's the worse combination? tamils and durians, my god.
Go figure.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
it has been awhile.
a seemingly innocent coversation on the journey back unwittingly triggered memories that has long been forgiven but never forgotten. like a well-concealed sniper, it crept softly onto you and reared its ugly head before defenses could be gathered.
perhaps it is the perverse nature of man to yearn to be loved, to know that someone is always waiting behind the scenes for you. maybe it is the kick that you get from these ego trips that you refuse to confess that you feel zilch, kosong, no feelings, to those who are foolish enough to think that you are the world. then again, it might be the power that you possess over them, your actions and words dictate their moods subconsciously. a smile and they are in 7th heaven, a cold shoulder and they crash through the purgatory of hell. you keep these people within your grasp, never allowing them to move on with their lives. the moment you sense that they are getting away, you return and wreak havoc on their lives. then you leave them, satisfied that you have left them shattered and crazier about you than ever before. you never spared a thought for these people, of what became of them when you left them shivering in the night. you never considered what might become of them after all's been said and done. that they fear meeting another person like you so much so that they never dared to venture out again.
unwanted memories, forgiven but perhaps not really forgotten.
if only.
a seemingly innocent coversation on the journey back unwittingly triggered memories that has long been forgiven but never forgotten. like a well-concealed sniper, it crept softly onto you and reared its ugly head before defenses could be gathered.
perhaps it is the perverse nature of man to yearn to be loved, to know that someone is always waiting behind the scenes for you. maybe it is the kick that you get from these ego trips that you refuse to confess that you feel zilch, kosong, no feelings, to those who are foolish enough to think that you are the world. then again, it might be the power that you possess over them, your actions and words dictate their moods subconsciously. a smile and they are in 7th heaven, a cold shoulder and they crash through the purgatory of hell. you keep these people within your grasp, never allowing them to move on with their lives. the moment you sense that they are getting away, you return and wreak havoc on their lives. then you leave them, satisfied that you have left them shattered and crazier about you than ever before. you never spared a thought for these people, of what became of them when you left them shivering in the night. you never considered what might become of them after all's been said and done. that they fear meeting another person like you so much so that they never dared to venture out again.
unwanted memories, forgiven but perhaps not really forgotten.
if only.