Damn my stupid com!..can someone please tell me why i cant read my new posts from my com while other people can see it from their coms?..its so damn puzzling. For your info, i cant read this post and also the last post..DAMMIT!!!!

Distant Fantasies

Every night I would gaze up at you, and search for traces that may perhaps provide me with the very reasons for why I exist. I yield a futile search as you would always look the same. Cold, distant and unreachable. Why do I sense this aura of loneliness that you are emanating? Could it be that I am more like you than I believe I would be? Am I cold and distant? Am I an enigma that nobody could ever decipher? Maybe I am just a passer-by that no one would take a second look at. I am speechless when it comes to giving reasons to explain my fascination with you. I am helpless when it comes to resisting the temptation of forming fantasies. Have you really existed since the creation of time? Were you there when Adam first learnt how to rhyme? Did you wish me goodnight during my first night on Earth? Did you feel the sorrow upon the discovery of the non-existence of love? Can you help me count how many stars are there in the night sky? Can you freeze this moment in time so that the beauty of you would be etched forever in mind? Can you help me keep my fantasies safe and tight no matter how distant they are? So many questions and no answers. Somebody please free me from this unspeakable sorrow..


P.S: bon voyage Nas, be safe.


"When I wake up alone, the shades are still drawn on the cold window pane so they cast their lines on my bed and lines on my face."

Dear blog,
went out with wen today and we caught the looney tunes movie!..:p..its not that i'm childish or anything but come on! its looney tunes man! bugs and daffy?..those who say i'm childish really do not have a childhood. My utmost condolences to you. Quite a funny movie, saw many characters. bugs, daffy, tweety, scooby doo and speedy gonzales(the little speedy mouse) just to name a few.

After the movie we went to of all places mac for dinner. I do not really have fond memories of that macs. What say you king? Then her sis called to summon her to Taka so as to be a guinea pig for a hairdresser..:p..waited for about an hour for her to finish her haircut, actually felt like dozing off but have to force my eyes open so as not to make her paiseh that i am waiting so long..:p..else she will keep on apologising again. Went to lips cafe after that to do more catch up with her then both of us trudged our tired bodies home..


"I've travelled through the land of surrender and seen it all. I throw my heart out and keep my head up, and now I travel through the land of peace."

Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The
Wronged.

"I've come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."

The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.

As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself. As a result, you
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Can't really make up my mind if its true, maybe i need some more time to get to know myself more, what do you think?


"My heart lies somewhere between perfection and dust. And while my soul is a sight to behold, I shatter at the blink of an eye."

Totally And Absolutely Wasted

Dear blog,
Attended the pokz party at kahsiang's house last night after work. Well, it was a haven for any alcoholics out there. Gin, baccardi, vodka and booze were all up for grabs. Needless to say, i helped myself to every single one of them, be it neat, on the rocks or mixed with other liquids. At the last count, i gulped down glasses of gin and tonic, pepsi twist+vodka, pepsi twist+baccardi, also quite a few cans of good old beer and proceeded to get myself, as cawley has so fittingly named it, absolutely and totally WASTED. Keith started the ball rolling by getting high early in the night. He sang at the top of his voice, danced madly around and did everything a guy high on alcohol would do. Cawley then slept on the roadside outside ks's house after vomiting on the road and we have to help him into the house..Well the fact that a person gets drunk faster by mixing liquor with beer still stands true. The effects of all that took over me after i downed my 3rd or was it 4th? can of beer. What happenead after that was quite hazy, i remembered i got that sickening familiar feeling of nausea and promptly made way to the toilet and vomited. I decided to station myself beside the toilet bowl just in case i wanna vomit again. Then kerson got me some lime to suck on and helped me to the sofa to rest. Was a big mistake, bile immediately rose when i laid down. I barely made it to the toilet, but not before soiling my shirt..:p..thats how i spent the rest of the night, wasting away inside the toilet. An eternity later, ks came knocking at the toilet door saying that his grandpa will be up any moment and he may want to use the toilet. So, i dragged myself to his room. Ks, kerson, yeehui and me chatted till the sun is up before all of us fell asleep. Fortunately, i woke up with only a slight hangover must be cuz i had already vomitted my guts out. Was a long time since i got so damn wasted..god..my throat still hurts..

Just a friendly reminder: ladies never accept any offers of beer from any men after you had liquor. Regardless of it being the diluted kind or not, cuz beer and liquor is a potent mix and a dangerous one for you ladies. So don't underestimate the potency of this mixture. Please remember.


"If you could choose between life and death you would almost rather die, love is fun but hurts so much and the price you pay is high. And so I say don't fall in love, you will get hurt before you are through. You see my friend, I ought to know, cuz I fell in love with you."

Every night while i stand amongst the sea of unfamiliar faces, it's your face that i yearn to see. My eyes scan the crowds, in hope that i could catch a glimpse of you. I hear various voices, but they are insignificant because those are not your voice. The days passed aimlessly, hopelessly. One day i finally saw you, so heartbreakingly beautiful, standing so distinctly among the sea of people. So familiar but yet so mysterious. Just a few steps away from me. I saw you, but did you see me? Your name is on my lips but i just couldnt bring myself to say your name. You are so near but yet at the same time so far away from me. I took a step back, afraid that you'd see me, but also at the same time hoping that you'd look my way. You didn't. I watched silently as you disappear along with the crowds while Lee Hom's "Ni Bu Zai" played mockingly through my earphones. What irony, what a cruel joke. As you slowly disappear into the horizon, i find contentment in the fact that you are fine. That's all i ask for...


"I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand. So now I leave without a sound, except that of my heart shattering as it hits the ground."

Dear blog,
although i am a guy myself, i feel that sometimes i have to draw the line at accepting some of the behaviours that i had witnessed, heard or experienced from people who belong to the same gender as me. I mean the behaviours of these people towards the female species are some times absolutely deplorable. Sure, ogle and comment on the girls that you see, i had done my fair share of ogling and commenting. We are men, it is inevitable that we will act like this. If you feel that this is an excuse for men in general then so be it because maybe it is really an excuse. However, there are a number of acts and conduct of MEN that i can never tolerate. Below is a list of behaviours that i despise and abhor to the core.

1. A man should never ever hit a woman even if the woman had done something unpardonable.
2. A man should never cheat on his other half
3. A man should never provide lame reasons when caught cheating. I hate it when they say something like this as an excuse, "there wasnt any feelings involved with her, you are the only one I love." Give me a break, admit it when you are caught cheated and stop giving excuses for your misdeeds.
4. A man should never treat women as clothes. A woman is made to be cherished not someone to satisfy your fetish.
5. A man should never call a woman names. I mean, that would be the lowest a man can get by calling a woman a whore, bitch or whatever in that sense.

Well, these are the main behaviours i hate but you bet there will be more. This is the core of it but i believe there would be more in years to come.

Are you ignoring and avoiding me or is it just a speck of my imagination? Maybe? Maybe not? Most probably? I don't know. Please put me out of my misery.


"Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain. Someday we'll know why the sky is blue. Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you."

Dear blog,
there are times in life when some people just enforces the way of thinking that you have. In this instance, it is the way i feel about indians and i have to admit that i have been quite vocal with my violent disapprovals on their race but after today the bad blood between me and them will be sown in my heart forever. The 'Globally-Famous' Singapore's Indian Women Association kind of reserved the whole restaurant for a private function during lunch time. They reserved for 70 Pax but in the end 76 people turned up, so it was full house. The Association is so damn 'FAMOUS' that the president deemed it acceptable for her to saunter into the restaurant and start ordering people around. Lady, we are employees not your slaves, you can't expect us to be at your beck and call when we have so many other things to do. She even complained that she did not want so many ice in the glasses for the soft drinks, citing the reason that there will be less liquid in the glasses. Come on! The soft drinks were damn freaking FREE FLOW! Don't you understand what is the meaning of free flow? You can always have more if you do not have enough! Next up would be that the service is too slow. All of us were busy serving food to everyone, there was so much food to be served. Everytime i stepped out of the kitchen, more than 5 people will raise their hand and say, "Can you give me this? Can you give me that?". When the request was done about 10 minutes later, they have so many wonderful comments about the speed of my service. Thank you, i take every single one of them as a compliment. I mean i was taking out all the food, i have to make sure every table is served before i can attend to individual requests. Isn't this common sense? Why am i bothering to explain anyway? The incident during the end was really the coupe de grace. When paying up, they said that 71 people turned up but the extra one did not eat anything. In the 1st place, how would we know if that person did not eat? If you were so sure she did not eat, shouldn't you tell us in the 1st place? And secondly, we counted 76 and now you say 71?..You are from an association, don't all of you know any Public Relations skills?

I had the final laugh though, added something extra into the president's food. Take that you asshole!

On a lighter note, i want to try on the reverse bungy jump at clarke quay. It looks fun when i walked past it today. But its 30 bucks per ride..george says he may be able to get a free ride for me, well i hope he does cuz i really wanna try it.


"They say, 'Time heals all wounds.' If that is true, then I guess mine go deeper than pain. There are no words to choose over losing you. I guess I found out too late, and now all I feel is heartbreak that only hurts when I breathe."

Why did you have to break my heart?
Why did you have to tear it apart?
So this is how it finally ends
Both of us just being friends
I know that you're gone
And I'm trying to move on
I know I still care
Even if it's not fair
I know that we did not last
In my future, you will just be my past
I regret ever falling in love with you
Coz crying was all you made me do
I cried for you over a thousand tears
I might still love you for another hundred years
You made my illusions become reality
Coz you told me you will love me for eternity
How I wished that all of these were true
But I know, deep down inside, I will never have you..

"Plaisir d'amour ne dure qu'un moment; chargrin d'amour dure toute la vie."

Dear blog,
there is this new guy at the workplace that i really feel sorry for. he is constantly lectured by the managers over this and that. being the foodrunner, i spent most of the time shuttling between the kitchen and the restaurant. the scene that i have gradually gotten use to is Veeran (this is the lousy manager) scolding him while he keep nodding his head. this has happened over the last few days, i come out with the food from the kitchen and without fail, there he will be standing at the counter with his head down and nodding at whatever veeran has to say..what surprises me is that he is always so enthusiastic..call his name and he will put down whatever he is doing and run yes RUN to you. i dunno his name though, i call him Ali...:p..at least its an indian name right? he is fast becoming the butt of jokes between shafik and me with his entertaing antics..:p

just now george made 'Gunner' for me...it tasted refreshing...although it is not pina colada or even singapore sling, well i will drink whatever cocktails that come my way..:p..one of these days i will pester him to teach me how to make those 2 cocktails and maybe also tequila sunrise and maybe also long island tea and maybe also cosmopolitan and maybe also...:p..i'm blabbering sorry...

that's all blog..i have a question before i go..will i get beer belly if i only drink 1 mug of beer per day?..1 mug only..


"do you wonder why i turn away when you look at me, never wanting your eyes to see, this desperate heart that knows how perfect we could be."

Dear blog,
does a person's ablity to hold liquor deteriorate when you dun drink as much anymore? i'm afraid that it has happened to me..i drank 4 mugs of beer after work and to my shock.. i felt giddy!..i mean its beer and not some hard liquor!..how can i feel giddy after 4 mugs?..i have weakened..shit..need to raise my level again man..on my way home i tried the old fashioned way of testing if you are drunk. i am ashamed to say that i really struggled to walk in a straight line!..damnation!..so disappointed in myself..

"what if i had never let you go? would you be someone i used to know? what if i had never walked away? Cuz i still love you more than words can say. if i stayed, if you tried, if we could only turn back time..but i guess we'll never know.."

Fly me to the moon

Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can sit quietly beside you and see you smile.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can thank the lord that you are here with me.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can breathe in the wonderful fragrance of YOU.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can run my fingers slowly through your hair.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can take away all your tears and sorrows.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can gently kiss your forehead goodnight.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can fall asleep knowing that you will be here when tomorrow comes.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can be there to see the gradual whitening of your hair.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can choose for you to die first so that you will never know what is loneliness.
Fly me to the moon, away from here, to a place where I can die after you and join you on the journey to the unknown.
Fly me to the moon, oh please fly me to the moon to a place where I can be with you till eternity..

Never hold my hand
If you are going to break my heart
Never say you are going to
If you never plan to start
Never talk about feelings
If they aren't really there
Never look into my eyes
If all u do is lie
If you really mean forever
Then please say you will try
Never say forever...
Cause forever makes me cry


"Because I never really had you at all, I didn't think it would hurt this much to lose you.."

Dear blog,
it is confirmed. i will be returning to that indian restaurant to slog..:p..although i am unwilling, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. in this case, earn money to finance my many needs and desires. damn my contact lens for finishing so quickly, damn my astigmatism that just drives up the cost of the contacts to a whole new level! And damn my bloody eyes, both of you have never given any reason to be proud of!..well that's one of the reasons why i need to work..also its been quite some time since i tasted my beloved cocktails. i need money to buy those cocktails..:p..

and oh yeah..heard that damn jerk is back pestering yeeki for the umpteenth time!..what in the blue hell is wrong with you slimeball?..when you had her you treated her like thrash..when you heard that she has found her happiness, you curse her..man..cant you at least wish her happiness after all the grief you had given her?..your attitude puts all the males in the world to shame!..i am ashamed that you call yourself a man. if i could, i will use the light sabre and cut off that goddamned male organ of yours! then, i will take an umbrella, stick it at the place where the sun doesn't shine, open the umbrella and pull it out of your loose asshole!..come on la huh..everything's over between the both of you..so just get the hell out of her life and move on!..

woah..feel so good bitching about him..suki..if you read this..please feel free to bitch with me!..:p..

Every night I imagine touching your face,
but nothing is there except empty space.
My dreams are filled
with visions of eternal bliss,
sealed by your tender and heavenly kiss.
I awake from my dreams,
yearning to hold you near,
searching but not finding
bringing me to the brink of tears.
You're the one I need to have,
To get lost in your beautiful eyes,
And have your smile that keep me oh so hypnotized,
Someone to share all my dreams,
And show me what they mean.
To kiss and hold til the day I die,
To be with for the rest of my life.
From a distance, you never know it's my heart and love you take,
And that I adore all of you and watch every move you make.
So, even though there are so many things I wish to say,
but I guess some things are always better left unsaid...


"Silence means a thousand words..the words i want to say to you but can't.."

Dear blog,
what if your best friend stands between you and your greatest desire? what will your final choice be? choose your friend and forever live in regrets and bitterness? or choose your desire and lose a friend that you will never ever get back? caught the midnight "wishing stairs" with weiming, shiping, ks, weibin, keith and yeeki. storyline was briefly about how a girl chose her desire over her friend..it was not that scary on the overall and all of us dun really understand what the movie is trying to say. please enlighten me if any body knows what the movie is talking about. although it was not that scary, considering the time in which i reached home, mild goosebumbs inevitably appeared as i was taking the lift...:p.should have just watched a comedy..

"Love that we can not have, is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.."

what's with the rabbit teeth king?

Dear blog,
went to sentosa today with king, G, her brother, guoliang and Nas. it was fun in the end considering that it actually should be a class outing and only 5 of us excluding G's brother turned up...that's that. i guess i am aging prematurely physically. my lungs, my muscles and many other body parts were protesting after a 15 min game of captain's ball played with a tennis ball..:p..G, nas and king 1 team. guoliang, jarryl and me the other. G dominated the game with her cheating antics(oops) by sitting on our chair when we are trying to score. however, justice was meted out when our team fought to a 3-3 draw despite being against such huge odds..:p..

was a fun day to say the least..it may be more fun or less if the others were there, we will never know..all i have to say for those who failed to turn up..well your lost is certainly our gain..

"I will hate the man you marry, because he is not me. And love him, if he makes you smile."

..din really wanna blog but dis came to mind..well..take a look..tht's all i can say..

I thought it was something money can never buy
I guess I was nothing but a pest in your busy life
So, the time has come for us to say goodbye
But still i cant explain this pain that just cuts like a knife.

Maybe its because of all the lies
Maybe it because of the look in your eyes
Make me realize that even if I were to crumble and die
You would not so much as blink your eyes

So here we stand under the moonless night
At the place where u once said you’d always be by my side
But I guess that now goodbye is the only kind of right..

when i first saw you, i was afraid to look at you.
when i was able to look at you, i was afraid to talk to you.
when i was able to talk to you, i was afraid to like you.
when i was able to like you, i was afraid to touch you.
when i was able to touch you, i was afraid to hold you.
now that i am able to hold you,
i am afraid that i would love you..

"Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all must not have had their hearts broken before."

Dear blog,
went to Great World yesterday with king cuz he realised that only the mac @ Great World got sell his beloved bears. so we got there and found out that it was another WILD GOOSE CHASE!..the mac is currently only selling the bears with letters from 'A to G'!!!!..(whoever who knows what word he is trying to make knows that the word do not consist of letters from 'A to G')..so i was lead onto another wild goose chase..DAMNED!

So that's that. anyway, i was thinking of compiling a cd with all of our favourite sad songs. i feel listening to music is good therapy when you are feeling low or something lidat..so readers, i'm appealing to you to please leave a tag of the sad songs that you would listen to when those lonely moments at night just suddenly feels so cold and cruel..if i'm successful in compiling it maybe i could lend it to people who might need those songs at that point in time..cuz i know how it feels like to want to cry but you sometimes just can't...so, please flood the mailbox or tagboard..i'm waiting..

"tell me why everytime when i find someone that i like, we always end just up being...friends?.."

Love-

It is not a word, nor a single action.
In truth, it can never be wrong
Like the sunrise, perfect in every possible way.
It is many things and yet it must exist
In the small space of the heart.
Once found it can bloom endlessly, with no cease.
It can choke one's throat, bring one to tears...
But it never hides in shadows or in darkness
It never feeds itself on deception.
It grows with trust, honesty and compassion.
Nothing less, always more.

probably wondering why am i so optimistic..well..jus wanna cheer people up..cheer up ya my fwen..you know hu u are..

Dear blog,
so term has finally come to an end..endless projects..OT nights..last minute work. been thru all that and back in one piece. it almost since like a dream now..well a nightmare i guess..thank you to all those who had been with me thru this hellish period..thank you to all those who have...well i dunno..if you think you have helped me in anyway..words..actions..whatever..then thank you..thank you for everything..:p..

well, i have somethin to complain. that kingone called me on friday mornin at 11 a.m to wake me up. and do you know what is his purpose for doing that? he wanted me to have macdonalds for lunch and at the same time buy that dunno wat bear with letters on it so that you can form a longer word. he wanted me to get the letter 'N'..deduce the word he is trying to form..no prizes for correct answers. so i trudged all the way to the mac @ Northpoint.upon reaching the door of mac..my handphone rang..it was none other than the king himslf..it was a sms saying that the bears are only on sale on the 1st of Nov!!!!..and friday was 31st OCT!!..i carried my tired and battered body all the way to northpoint which was like an eternity away to realise that it was a WILD GOOSE CHASE!..damned!!..i feel like a maid!..i demand compensation!!..

term has ended..means i will miss some people and not miss some..to one and all i'm gong to miss..be safe ya?


" nothing is more painful than realizing that she meant everything to you and you meant nothing to her.."