In Dreams

If only I could stay asleep.
At least I could pretend that you're thinking of me,
'Cos night time is the one time I am happy.
You see in my dreams,
We climb and climb and at the top we fly,
Let the world go on below us.
We are lost in time.
And I don't know really what it means,
All I know is that you love me,
In my dreams.

only in dreams, only in my dreams.

a man in his late forties having his paws all over a woman who could be his daughter. beside them stand a pair of newlyweds having their wedding photos taken. how ironic. how absolutely downright fucking ironic.

it never rains. it pours. everytime. every single time.

dreams can be cured with a pinch. hopes shatter with a single word. maybes dissove in the face of reality. illusions never change into something real.

now i know, now i really know.

night has settled, dawn approaches in a few hours. i thought sleep occurs when you are tired and then you close your eyes. but it seems that sleep has other ideas for me.

"The only constant in this world is changes."

everything changes, it's just a matter of time. "Times have changed", "Things are different now". how many times have you heard these phrases being uttered? times change, things change and yes, feelings change. sometimes change creeps up on you so silently that you never really did realise until it is too late. you discover that things were not what they used to be. you find yourself standing alone at the crossroads, having to make a decision that will make or break another person's life. at other times, change strike so suddenly that you find it impossible to accept. you stand on this plateau of confusion and disbelief as your life disintegrates before your very eyes. in this midst of despair and bitterness, the word "why?" echoes mockingly in your mind. you need a reason. something for you to accept this change, so that you can be at peace and move on. deep down you hate these changes that have totally altered your life. you don't want to make that decision, you refuse to accept that things can change that fast. but all has changed, maybe its time to make that decision and move on.

Storm

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form.
The water's getting harder to thread
with these waves crashing over my head.

If I could just see you everything would be alright.
If I could see you this darkness would turn into light
and I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall,
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything would be alright, and everything would be alright.

maybbe one day, someone would invent a switch that can be implanted into humans. when it is time to sleep, people just need to set the alarm and turn off the switch. immediately, they will fall into the blissful surrender of sleep. and the switch will be turned on when the alarm goes off the following morning. people will then face the new day fresh and with ample amount of sleep. imagine the amount of insomniacs this will cure. people can literally sleep away their melancholy during the night. but that is something for the future. for now, people still face sleepless nights for whatever reasons. they roam on this realm between dream and reality where they are to face the night alone. they wish that darkness would claim them and bring them salvation. but it is another joke played on them by life when you cant even sleep when you want to.

Solitude never felt this real.

Life is unpredictable. everyone is powerless against the passage of time and fate. lives could be changed forever in a blink of an eye. there are times when you feel that watching the sunrise is not a privelge but a given right. you do not realise that there are other people who had gone through hell and purgatory just to live through the previous night. you take every day as it is and always plan about 'tomorrow', never realising that one day 'tomorrow' might not arrive. have you thought about today? or is it just like any other day? have you neglected the finer things in life because of your obsession of material wants? when was the last time you put your hands over your mum's shoulders and watched Tv together? when was the last time you apologised to your friends for being patient with such a disaster like you? when was the last time you told them you love them? they might break your heart if you tell them, but if you don't, you might break theirs.

the more i talk, the more misunderstood everything gets. maybe its a sign to close this space down.

what in the freaking blue hell is wrong with the goddamn bloody image? is this some kind of sick joke? well, i dont bloody get it and it ain't funny at all! please stop this lame thing and return me my image!

okay where do i begin? i think my loser qualities are becoming obvious. was standing in queue at a petrol mart for Newpaper. don't get me wrong, the cashier was friendly and courteous. "hi sir! any petrol?". that was her friendly first-liner to all the guys in front of me. some said yes and of course some said no (because they dont have a car). but when it was my turn, instead of that, i got "70 cents". i waited for a good 5 seconds for the "any petrol" part to come but no. she just stared at me..what? i don't look like someone who's rich and can own a car? everyone was in shorts and t-shirts. why do they have the "i own a car" look, and i dont have? is it in their t - shirts? just because i wear a school t-shirt doesnt mean i dont own a car! i dont, but that's not the point. loser.

revisited my friendster account. most of my friends have at least 100 friends. wow. then i look at mine. pathetic. terrible. shocking. incorrigible. 29. 29! Loser!

and to top it all off. i hate my face. i look like a, i quote "hokkien ah beng". yeah, laugh and gloat all you want.

LOSER