a burned weeked with approaching deadlines. thank you guys for making this a more bearable weekend. thank you for making it an enjoyable weekend. thank you, all of you. you know who you are.

your blood is boiling, adrenaline is coursing through your body at maximum speed. you cant concentrate. your fists are clenched and your knuckles have turned white. Flames are dancing dangerously in your eyes. But just as everything threatens to get out of hand, your inexplicable control takes over. cold logic takes centre stage and the fire is changed into ice. It is beyond your comprehension on the reasons why some people derive satisfaction at the demise of others. these bunch of adventure-seekers embark on their search for cheap thrills that will occupy their time. they fail to notice that their 'thrills' are human beings. human beings that have emotions, human beings that feel and human beings that jolly well deplore being taken for a ride. but the 'thrill-seekers' do not bat an eyelid to the destruction their actions will cause. to them, this whole thing is just a game. they move on when the thrill is over, leaving yet another broken-hearted human at their feet. but they are unwilling to give up on these humans, they believe that they should keep them somewhere so if one day, they cant find anything more thrilling, they will revisit these 'old thrills'. u feel so utterly disgusted and disappointed in these people. they do not deserve your respect. why do they if they do not give a damn to the feelings of others?

i cant go on like this. one day i will just automatic shut down and thats it.

they say when you are alone, it is better because nobody knows you. when no one is your friend, it is better because nobody leaves you. but i hear voices and I see colours. And i wish i didn't feel anything. Then it might be easy for me, like it is for you.

"one sheep, two sheep, three sheep..1023 sheep,1024 sheep, 102...ahhh!"

Graciousness

The situation at Mrt stations is getting more and more deplorable. Some of the passengers do not understand the meaning of lining up or 'please give way to alighting passengers'. aunties and those in their middle-ages and above really deserve some shout-outs here. they are the last to arrive at the stations, but they are the first to stand in front of the door when the train comes without even feeling embarrassed. when the door open, they try to wrestle their way in like there's no tomorrow. aunties in particular, they rush in to get their seats and proceed to feel very satisfied as they have managed to win a place to seat. the worse should be that they think that it's nothing wrong, but they curse and swear when others do it on them. such graciousness. absolutely deplorable and incorrigible.

"People come into our lives and walk with us a mile, and then because of circumstance they only stay a while. They serve a need within the days that move so quickly by, and then are gone beyond our reach, we often wonder why. God only knows the reason that we meet and share a smile, why people come into our lives and walk with us a mile."

do you ever wonder why some people just gradually fade out of your life? like the train, they sit with you for awhile and leave when they arrive at their stops. you may see them again tomorrow on the same train but then again, you may never see them again. years down the road, you may recall this incident and blame yourself for not trying enough to get to know this person. it may not be any fault of yours. maybe you tried making small talk to the person. maybe you talked about your family, where do you work, stay etc. but when you turn and look expectanly at that person, he or she mumbles something inaudible and gets off at the next station. what do you do then? there's nothing you can do i guess. yes, you would be hurt, you would feel let down. but people may have their reasons in behaving this way, there's no point being judgemental when you do not know everything. moreover, whoever said life was happy?

make small talk with the person beside you, smile and laugh and even snuggle a little closer, but bear in mind that they may be getting off at the next station. do not take it personally if they leave abruptly. they have to.

"The world will always be cruel, but it never seems that way unless you face it alone." but you are alone.

have you ever stayed up at night, when the mercy of sleep seem to elude you. when all else have fallen into slumber and all that is left is you, trapped in this realm of unsleeping wilderness.. your doubts seem to creep up on you, your fears suddenly become magnified. you pray for sleep, you pray for death. but all that you are given is silence. deafening and choking. who knows what you have spoken to the darkness, in the bitter watches of the night. when all of your life seems to shrink and the walls closing in about you. a hushed tremor that will shake you to the core, bringing you to your knees. maybe then the mercy of sleep will claim you. maybe, just maybe.

Take a break for a moment, away from the rush of madness, feel.
The warmth of the night, the scent of the wind, they beckon.
The comforts of darkness, the whispers of raindrops, they call like angels.
Close your eyes, don't fall asleep too soon, listen.
Listen to the patter of raindrops,
Listen to the murmurings of the wind
Listen to the voice you hear within.
For sometimes, we are so preoccupied that we fail to notice the little things in life.
For sometimes, we are so focused on making others smile that we have forgotten how.
For sometimes, we have forgotten what it is like to sing in the rain.
If you have forgotten how, then please do take a seat, words do not do justice to this peace that you will feel.
Just listen.
And enjoy the weather.

sex on the beach with a cocksucking cowboy

sex on the beach, margarita with a dose of pina colada has fulfilled my short term fantasies and made me more broke than ever. but what the hell, it's not everyday i can get my hands on them. oh yeah, there's also a shooter named "cocksucking cowboy" forgot the ingredients. but it is whitish on the surface and has a milky taste (for those who think this is a pun, it is not, it really does have a milky taste). till the next session!

IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well, I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret this day.

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

the days just happen so quickly, the moments are so fleeting that i find myself joining in this rat race against time. so distracted i am, that details that i normally are attuned to, are overlooked. i guess it's time for me to slow down and do things at my own pace. maybe i did not overlook the details, maybe i assumed too much or maybe it just plain did not occur to me. whatever the reasons i may possess, it's still no excuse, because the little details are what that will make everything click and come together. have you ever felt alone? who do you miss or think of when you are in this state of solitude? do you brighten up when he or she calls you just as you were missing him or her? does that chase away the despiteful solitude, at least for a while? what if you suddenly needed someone but you know deep down that it's impossible that the person will call and that your incessant pinings will be met with scorn and distaste? worse still, what if you suddenly missed a person but you realise that that person is nobody in particular? that you need someone but don't even know who to miss and think of?

nobody said solitude was easy, but nobody said it was going to be this hard.

its funny how the whole world will change in perception as the years run down on you. everywhere people look at you expectantly for results, for affirmation, for whatever. but there are points in time when you need someone to turn to for answers, fo reassurance, for concern too. every corner you turn, every step you take, people are watching you, hounding you. waiting for a misstep so that they can pounce on you. you have a feeling that you are riding on this huge red tide and cant get off. all you can do is keep moving, keep fending for yourself. but you are only human, you will get tired too. you cant possibly carry on behind this facade of pretensions forever. your spirit will be broken one day. there are moments in life where you need a little reassurance, a few doses of concern and maybe a wee bit of love too.