i have always found the process of parenthood mentally intimidating. the babies and toddlers are fine. they are adorable and easy to handle even if it means having to change the diapers and wake up in the middle of the night. it is what happens after that stage which is terrifying. when they start to learn how to lie and hide stuff. then you have to constantly outhink, outfox and outmaneuver them. i know what they do are elementary stuff cuz we all have been there and done that. but sometimes dont u wish that we could just install the basic disciplines into their brain to save us all the anguish? then they'll do their homework without you having to sit beside them. you dont have to watch for body language if you suspect them of lying. if all these features are in place, wont parenting be a breeze?

sometimes we focus too much on the big picture and lose interest on the little things. sometimes, it's the little details that mean more. it might be anything from that little sigh, the fleeting glance or that one little word. and when you make someone's day because you paid more attention. that feeling is beyond explanation.

It's priceless.

*we dance for laughter, we dance for tears. we dance for madness, we dance for fears. we dance for hope, we dance for screams. we are the dancers, we create the dreams.

One more try

Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables?
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

*how the hell did it end up like this?

"dont change for the sake of changing, change because you really want to."

Allow me to be frank

finally, i have reached the conclusion that as people get older, their ability to tolerate their own personal embarassment increases. in other words, they have became so thick skin that nothing embarasses them. before this conclusion, i used to be in conflict with myself. i mean arent adults supposed to be the epitome of graciousness and courtesy so that the younger generation (ie. me) can learn from thier exemplary behaviour? yeah right.

but no. graciousness and even basic common sense do not exist in the dictionaries of adults aka aunties. i was as usual standing in front of the door waiting for the train. when it arrived, i stepped aside for the alighting the passengers. but surprise surprise! the two aunties behind moved to stand in front of the door when i steppd aside. i mean they must have balls made of brass (i know i know, they are aunties but still) to be able to do that and not be embarrassed. everybody was looking at them and they have the gall to nonchalantly continue talking. i was staring at one of them. hell i was glaring at her. i mean if eyes could kill, they would've been dead 10 times over. i mean gimme a break, if you were there first, of course you can stand in front. but bloody hell, you were the last ones and you bloody damn well understand the word 'Queue'! i could have strangled them. old adults these days. what a big DISGRACE.

oh well, on a lighter note i walked past Hooters today. and oh boy.. thats all i have to say. i know i said its not always about the Ts & the As. but well..

sometimes its all abt the Ts & As.

"how can i find peace when you keep coming back? stop playing this game of see-saw with my heart."

sometimes you just have no idea..

or do you?

all alone
in the
deafening
silence
of my room

but in a memory
i hear you calling
whispering
tender promises
that make me
dream
of you

i close my eyes
and
i'm there
with you
like it was
just yesterday
but then
it all fades
away

take me back
turn back
the hands of
time

to
the time
when you
kissed
me
in the
warm september
rain

back before
my heart
was filled with
this pain

if only
we could be
in love
that way
again


if only